sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Two words: nipple clamps
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