remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
