no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
