Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
