We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
