Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
