i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
