Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The Olympian is in my bed
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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