He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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