I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
