Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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