How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
