Jerry, you need to find god
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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