stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
