like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
