Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
