The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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