Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I deserve this hangover.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
