i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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