Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We had to coat check the pizza.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
