Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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