Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
