Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
