Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
