We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever