And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.