Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups