I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
