guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.