Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
