I've blown a few things in my day
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
