The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
