this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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