drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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