You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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