woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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