You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
