you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
