Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
