I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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