Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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