maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
