you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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