There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
