News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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