Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Boobs are out for the taking
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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