somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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