every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
