So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
