Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
