If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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