I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
