I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
