So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
