Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
