btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
