9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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