High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
