Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
