Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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