taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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