thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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