No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
