dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I love having hate sex.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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