i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
