yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
