he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
