hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
