Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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