hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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