dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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