is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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