Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
